Awksome Adventure?! - Fighting For A Girl?

Me          : No lah, she liked me first...
Sebastian : I thought we have some sort of an agreement than we shared her.
Me          :Since when? If I'm not mistaken, we've fought for her before...
Sebastian : But then I proposed that we should share her. Two guys and one girl.
Me          : Wait...? Isn't that a poligamy?

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Hey hi ho, peeps and bloggers. Blogger Man login and updating...^^

Aight? So this conversations between me and my best pal, brother from another mother, bro-mance and so on had happened this morning when both of us saw our crush that we used to liked her before, until it creates some sort of havoc and chaos... But of course, in a more funny, happy ways rather than these days dramas, when both guy fighting each other physically, just to get the girl... Trust me, when I think of that back I found that it's rather funny! Plus, I recently got a good feedbacks about the last blog updates, so here we go!

Fighting For A Girl's Heart?!

Okay. So it started during Fourth Grade when I saw this pretty Kenyah-Kayan girl in glasses. By that time, Cher was just like any other normal crush. Liked and then forgotten... (why I'm so attracted to girls who wears glassses, by the way?) This pretty girl is a total aftermath, you know? By the time you snapped from your imaginations about her being your girlfriend and woke up, knowing that she's there, you gonna smile so wide to your ears because she's too beautiful to be true that time... Fair skin, black silky hair, cute cheeks that you really wanted to pinch it all day long, and the way she glance at you like "Woah, nobody had give that glance since my last crush...!" I just don't wanna tell he name because you'll gotta know her name soon enough at the end of this update...

She's as same as the other fourth grade girls. Loves pink stuff, bring along 'Winx Club' magazines to school and kinda shy during class. As she was sitting two rows in front of me, so it's easier for me to stare at her, imagine how it feels like being her boyfriend, walking to canteen together, having Choki-Choki together while others ate their foods, and walking together back to class, giggling together side by side and all those romantic stuffs. Come to think of it, damn I was a hopeless romantic... *face slap! Back to the stories, I was doodling, scribbling the picture of me, and then the picture of her while Bahasa Malaysia class. Scribbling all my way, unnoticed and no one really cares. Just the way  I like it! (But I have no idea where I put those scribbling book. If I found them, I could had snapped it and post it in this blog update.)

Now is the climbing part. All goes well actually that time. I was trying to get more closer to her, though it takes few minutes before I regained my voice because I was so freaking nervous.But it works, because she didn't suspected anything, as long as I saw her reactions. Yes! A shimmering hope in the midst of over-turned darkness will enlighten the path for me to be her boyfriend, and yes my first girlfriend... But everybody knows if this will happen, I'll never be the same as today. No Miss That-Special-Someone, no this, no bromance relationship with Sebastian... (Just joking! :P) And thanks to this incidents actually...

Apparently, my own BEST FRIEND also had a CRUSH on HER!

Yeap, my own best buddies a.k.a. BFF had a crush on the girl I'm also having a crush on. Now now, you guys might think something like "It's gonna be a dog-fight (which is the opposite terms of 'cat-fight' for girls) and they'll gonna put their friendships at stake just because of a girl... Owh, how dramatic." Sorry fellas, but no. Well, maybe yes and maybe no, but if it is a 'yes' answer, it's a rather positive competitions.... Hahaha... Positive competitions over a girl...

This was come to my senses when I saw him kinda give a rather strange glance over her, plus he's real close to her while I'm cracking under the pressure, even just speaking to her. Apa lagi kalau mau luahkan perasaan. Lagilah teruk... And I can't even imagine if after I make a confessions to her. *Hopeless romantic... And then, during recess I asked him about that girl, and he gave me 1001 facts about her perfect images, personalities, all those... And I was murmuring to myself, "Is this the guy that soon would be my rival over her?" and then I asked this stupid question:
"Do you like her?" and he answered it positively yes... Owh, how I was so devastated. All my beautiful imaginations of me and her eating Choki-Choki, waiting under the big angsana tree has turned from my face to HIS FACE...! And then started from there, I've stepped up my games, practicing on the mirror to see which reactions is the most best reactions to be see by girls, had an inside guy to know what she's like, what she's dislike, etc etc... Frequently looking at what she's doing. (At this point, you might think I'm stalking her. I'm just want to make a research on her more further... That's all...) until the point when he realised that I do have a feelings for her, he started to step up his game too... Me in his way, He in his way, but both with one ultimate purpose: to be her boyfriend before the other 'friends' do.

One fine day, he proposed to me whether we could share one single girl.... Ok, that's unorthodox. Two guys sharing one single girl? Owh kay...............???????!!!! Okay then! So we both shake hand,  make peace with one another and sharing same thought about that girl. I really don't know whether she might realised that or not, but if she's reading this right now, she already know another 50% of that full stories. As for me and Sebastian, that part is one of the points where the bond of friendship becomes more and more stronger until what we are today: BFF... Best Friend Forever! As for her, well we've met at the church entrance this morning and it's really awkward, but then inspired me to do this. And I think you all know who comes next... :)

So here goes nothing, the girl I've mentioned is Danielle Bon Ridgeway... Miss Two-Guys-Girl...

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bro-fist! XOXOD

Awksome Adventure?! - My First Crush

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A lot of my friends asked whether I could share some experiences having a first crush, and yeah.... We do have our first crush, literally. And of course like what this title says, it's really awkward to tell, but despite all my friends demand for it, here it goes. My friend, this one is for you:

My First Awksome Crush!

It started during the Third Grade where I found this beautiful, pretty, cute, that everytime when she saw you and smiled, you'll get some butterflies in your stomach... Yeah, that sort of feelings that you thinking right now. Pretty much she was flawless that time, with her cute smile, her glasses, long silky black hair that extended to her bra back strap (It feels so awkward to type that. Seriously... But you get the point, right?) and did I mentioned that she is the only girl that is l saw like in HD while others were like lower than SD, blurry all those and I said to myself like "Wow! If only she could...." and dot dot dot...bla bla bla... all those imaginations from my head like I'm about to get her. Well it doesn't... Owh yeah, I forgot to tell her name. Well, since she still doesn't know that I used to liked her, and we're currently friends AND I prefer have her name to be censored and unknown to public, in case something would be terribly wrong... Let's call her 'Cher' , Miss That-First-Crush :)

Apparently Cher is any like other normal girls that time. Hanging around with her pals, going to the canteens and every guys are looking at her and there goes saliva dripping down to their sandwiches... eeewwwww....! But I'm also one of them. Eewwww..... Shame on me... Okay, back to the story. Just like what I said, she's so mesmerizing that when I saw her right to my ways, I'm gonna hurry took a book from my 50 poun bag and read it to avoid any eye contact with her. (My weakness?) Plus I wanna look smart in front of her, although I'm not, but that's the best I could do, right...? And then when she was in front of me she asked what am I reading? And I answered with cool and yet cracked voice, "English..."
She was pointing at the book and then she was giggling. In my mind I was like 'Am I making a fool of myself... I know I'm a foolish myself, but there must be something obvious that made her laugh...' and I was looking slowly at my book that I held on my hand, slowly, hoping that I didn't do something stupid... just a teeny wenie tibby tiddy doo look and *sigh... a sigh of relieve. But then as I looked nervously on the book cover, there it is. A BIG BOLD WORD of 'MY BIODATA' full of stars and panda stickers all over my cover book. And I was like numb, crows flying all over my head, three huge dots like in anime and in my brains, EXPLOSIONS.... Not a good memories from a third grade boy, I tell you. But then she picked my biodata, looked through it and she said she'll give it back few classes later because she would loved to write all about herself in that book. I was still numb that time, but in my head, UNICORNS all over St. Joseph that time. And I was like da da da di ri dum.... da ra da da! (lagu tema Choki-Choki keluar XP). I was smiling broadly all day long after that. Triple the ride when I saw her biodata in my book, all glittering and shiny... Even the scent smells so good.

June, third grade, my class was having some sort like an table arrangement and we were facing face to face on both opposite sites of wall. And I was still can't get my eyes fixed on her. Damn she was so mesmering till I can't make an eye contact with her... I crossed my finger, hoping that she would sit next to me and was hoping like "God, please let me sit besides her.... Please please please please please please please please please please.....". And then when the teacher called my name, I was so freaking nervous that I might wanna bite my nails to pieces. And then she said, "Darren?" "Y-y-ye-yeah...?" *cracking voice.... "You sit there, at that row..." "Owh... O-Okay..." and I closed my eyes, making myself some sort of a surprise and then.... dun! dun! dun! A girl sitting next to me.... But unfortunately not Cher, but someone else... And I was like numb cramped boy with jammed mind, I don't even know what to think about. All because my hope was shattered to pieces and I was left with someone else (though she's sweet, but I want Cher!)  and I was left disappointed and the wind blow awkwardly on my back... Plus you could see souls all over me... Nah, just a metaphore only. Wanna make things straight. I'm really disappointed...

Now, between me and Cher? I'm proud to say we're an old friend already... 10 years of surviving friendship is truly an achievement. And secrets about she's my first crush? Yeap, it's still a secret until she'll figured out about this. And I hope she still haven't discover about this. not until I have the courage to tell this to her...

That's all guys... Goodnight!

***

Bro-fist! XOXOD

I'm Afraid...

Hey hi ho, peeps and bloggers. Blogger Guy check-in and updating...

After a few questions from friends and countless wonders from my head, I often asked myself . What am I afraid of? What am I running from? And why are you trying your best to dodge from those fears that you might say, "Damn, it haunts me over and over again." And here we go. Back to square one...

I'm Afraid... 

I'm afraid of falling in love again... Yeap! As crazy as it sounds, as stupid as it's sounds. And how you think that this very own blogger guy kinda being melodramatic, the truth is there. I'm afraid of falling in love again. What a shame when you expect a guy who always update his status with tonnes of much-influenced-love-quotes expressions, and retweeted so much tweets from 'Love Relationship', 'Cute Text' etc-etc, but the truth is I'm so afraid to step away from being a single-guy, techno-lover, Bruno Mars fan, and appreciates being a one-guy; to someone who's really gonna gave unbounding affections, all those bulls#!t to someone who they love into...

 

Certainly there must be a reasons for all of this...?

 

And my answer: I don't have any idea. I tried to find out why and why and why. And I mean why can't I love someone else the way that an ordinary guy would do when they're wanted to woo a girl?Am I had a bad impressions? Am I really wanted to compare girls that realy have a chances to be with me with my ex's? Or I'm content with the way I am right now?

 

When I asked my best buddy, "How do you feel after you've been betrayed by your partners?" and he said more less like a gothic emo guy wanted to kill himself. Gosh, for all things that is good, he speaked like he's hopeless and all his purposes of life somehow shattered to pieces. But then, when I looked back of what his relationships had been, he's quite a great guy! A commited, serious in relationship, and a great man for a perfect girl. All the things that every girls could imagine of. Seriously! And still, as a neutral guy in a relationships, both parties are equally wrong actually. This guy living in a dream, where he thought every relationships would be a more serious relationships and if I'm not mistaken, he had less than five different relationships in his life. Damn, that's a commitment for a teenage guy! And yet, his recent ex considered their reltionships more like an open relationship, where she could have him and flirt with other guy at the same time! Now that's ridicioulous. So much of opposite attracts... (Commitment+Not being serious= DISASTERS!). Perhaps, that might be one of my reasons why I'm afraid to fall in love again...

 

On the other hand, maybe the girls that I saw might not be as good as my ex... Just admit it, singles out there! You're still single because you still expects something from your ex's right? Another chance, maybe? Just anything to repair the damages that you've done the last relationship. Now back to the stories, that 'chance' thing is also another reasons why I'm afraid to fall in love again. Because I still hoped that someday she'll give me another chance to prove myself that I'm worthly for her. No doubt. And it's kinda unfair when you gave the seats that you've been reserving for quite some time to another girl that you barely know, right?

 

Single... Yeah, that's my status every single time people asked me. Whether it's a dude or chick, those who wanted to befriend with me or simply a curiosity. Whether they wanted to make a move on me, or in the worst case scenario, (nu uh! it's not stalker) my very own ex-girlfriends who might still see the glimpse of hope inside me... And yet, I felt so attached by this 'single' status like a honey and a bee all those. And currently, I love being where I am right now... No need to be so fuzzy about girlfriend, walking aimlessly at your own, and perhaps enjoying with the companies of friends and families. Plus, you have all the times you need all by yourself! How's that?!

 

Honestly, I'm not saying this fear would last forever, no... Someday I've to face this fear and go through it one way or another. Trust me, it's not the fear of falling in love again that I'm afraid of. It's the rejections, the dissapointment, the rumours and how societies would perceives me and my girl if I would fall in love again, and I don't want to risk all that just because of my OWN happiness... Right? So I hoped that someday, the women that deserves my very own love will appreciates it and makes me no to fall on other womens but herself... If I could wish that. (A huge wish for an 18-year-old guy eh?) XOXOD 

 



One Month of Silence?

Hey hi ho, peeps and bloggers. Blogger Guy check-in and updating....

Hey wazzup! It's been one whole quiet month since my last update. The reason? I really don't have any idea about my next blog update. And after one whole month, I'm here trying to keep in touch with beautiful creatures of God... Aight, let's skip the intro and head straight to the blog update, shall we?

One Month of Silence?

 

Last two month, I received a beautiful letter from Politeknik Ibrahim Sultan, Johor about my enquiries applying there. And thank God for that. But as old dudes quoted, "every actions has it's pro's and con's". And then I kinda stay away from everything connected to people. That's mean less facebook-ing than the usual rate, no twitter-ing, call only when someone called me and spend most of my times indoor rather than going out somewhere like I used to be earlier year. But there's a good reasons behind all of this. Seriously I do.

 

I felt somehow I dissapointed myself. That's how. October 2013 has been the most toughest month I've been through all my life. I don't think everyone would noticed that, even my parents because of the silence personalities I've developed. I rarely spoke a lot, and someone that I could depend on is no where to be found. Depressions after depressions flood in after pressures took a toll on me. I still remember one night I shed my tears so hard because of what I've been through...

 

Families? I hoped that someone would be in my shoes to really experienced it. Being the eldest son in a family might not be the best choice. The expectancy of your own parent, hoping that their first son would achieved a greater success for the benefits of the family are sometime too much to bear. I mean how could possibly a guy, who his family has obtained respects from a society, would continue the legacy for years, perhaps generations to come? When I looked back at my younger me during kindergarden, I wished that I could turn back times to feel the life where there's no worry, no doubt, never have to think so hard to get those something, and plus happiness 24/7 anyone could possibly imagined...

 

Friends? One or two might knew whats going on with me, but honestly, they can't understand the real situations..

 

Ms. That-Special-Someone? I'm happy she called me once in a while, but seriously she has a lot of problems to be concerned with. I really wanna scream out in pain from the bottom of my freaking heart (just a metaphore) to show how lonely I am. But I can't.... I simply can't.... Maybe because I'm tolerant. Maybe because I don't wanna be another burden of her. Maybe because she has so much to think about rather this. But the bottom line is, I never told her about this. Another night during October, I told to myself about her "I might be one of the most important guy, and I might had shaped her to how she is right now. But as much as I did, I might never would be the guy who will share the stories of her life with me." Maybe I will. Maybe I'm not... Maybe it's just some sort like it's more than friend but not a couple. It's anybody's guess... And only God knew better than I am... As Chester See's song... "Who Am I To Stand In Your Way?"

 

Sometime, I look at myself on the mirror and I wished that I never wanna be that Darren Junior that everyone knew. They would say, "Owh, that's Darren. That guy who we spoke earlier... One who knew how to impress girls through his drawing..." But unfortunately, not all knew what it takes being Darren Junior....

 

But when I recalled back, all this experiences I've been for the last 18 years has shaped me to this. A guy with IQ as much as 76, dedicated apostles of Christ, a guy that cherished life, love and world; bringing peace, joy and love as his missions, a guy everyone could be fond with and admired by some. And from there, I fall and stand up back from the dust and dirt.

 

A pretty good friend of me gave me this phrase in the Bible. Joshua 1:9, "Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I, the Lord your God, am with you wherever you go." And it totally a wide-open-eyes for me. *Thx for the phrase!

 

Well, that's all that I could share right now... Hopefully I could updating more frequent. Thanks ya' all! XOXOD

 

#Currently hearing 'Better You' by David Choi. *Bro-Fist!