Hey wazzup! It's been one whole quiet month since my last update. The reason? I really don't have any idea about my next blog update. And after one whole month, I'm here trying to keep in touch with beautiful creatures of God... Aight, let's skip the intro and head straight to the blog update, shall we?
One Month of Silence?
Last two month, I received a beautiful letter from Politeknik Ibrahim Sultan, Johor about my enquiries applying there. And thank God for that. But as old dudes quoted, "every actions has it's pro's and con's". And then I kinda stay away from everything connected to people. That's mean less facebook-ing than the usual rate, no twitter-ing, call only when someone called me and spend most of my times indoor rather than going out somewhere like I used to be earlier year. But there's a good reasons behind all of this. Seriously I do.
I felt somehow I dissapointed myself. That's how. October 2013 has been the most toughest month I've been through all my life. I don't think everyone would noticed that, even my parents because of the silence personalities I've developed. I rarely spoke a lot, and someone that I could depend on is no where to be found. Depressions after depressions flood in after pressures took a toll on me. I still remember one night I shed my tears so hard because of what I've been through...
Families? I hoped that someone would be in my shoes to really experienced it. Being the eldest son in a family might not be the best choice. The expectancy of your own parent, hoping that their first son would achieved a greater success for the benefits of the family are sometime too much to bear. I mean how could possibly a guy, who his family has obtained respects from a society, would continue the legacy for years, perhaps generations to come? When I looked back at my younger me during kindergarden, I wished that I could turn back times to feel the life where there's no worry, no doubt, never have to think so hard to get those something, and plus happiness 24/7 anyone could possibly imagined...
Friends? One or two might knew whats going on with me, but honestly, they can't understand the real situations..
Ms. That-Special-Someone? I'm happy she called me once in a while, but seriously she has a lot of problems to be concerned with. I really wanna scream out in pain from the bottom of my freaking heart (just a metaphore) to show how lonely I am. But I can't.... I simply can't.... Maybe because I'm tolerant. Maybe because I don't wanna be another burden of her. Maybe because she has so much to think about rather this. But the bottom line is, I never told her about this. Another night during October, I told to myself about her "I might be one of the most important guy, and I might had shaped her to how she is right now. But as much as I did, I might never would be the guy who will share the stories of her life with me." Maybe I will. Maybe I'm not... Maybe it's just some sort like it's more than friend but not a couple. It's anybody's guess... And only God knew better than I am... As Chester See's song... "Who Am I To Stand In Your Way?"
Sometime, I look at myself on the mirror and I wished that I never wanna be that Darren Junior that everyone knew. They would say, "Owh, that's Darren. That guy who we spoke earlier... One who knew how to impress girls through his drawing..." But unfortunately, not all knew what it takes being Darren Junior....
But when I recalled back, all this experiences I've been for the last 18 years has shaped me to this. A guy with IQ as much as 76, dedicated apostles of Christ, a guy that cherished life, love and world; bringing peace, joy and love as his missions, a guy everyone could be fond with and admired by some. And from there, I fall and stand up back from the dust and dirt.
A pretty good friend of me gave me this phrase in the Bible. Joshua 1:9, "Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I, the Lord your God, am with you wherever you go." And it totally a wide-open-eyes for me. *Thx for the phrase!
Well, that's all that I could share right now... Hopefully I could updating more frequent. Thanks ya' all! XOXOD
#Currently hearing 'Better You' by David Choi. *Bro-Fist!
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