Is It Meant To Be?

...Karma.... Who knows when it strikes... Definition? More like what goes around comes around. And I realised that karma do hit some heavy tolls to me. Whether its really because of my past actions toward someone else,or might be not the karma.... I prefer call my situation, God's special plan... I don't know why? Just that I don't think karma is the most suitable words for that. But still, I agree the concept and the definition of karma...

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It's been a while now since I got my first message from her. And today, right now I'll express what I'm felt from the early beginning to her. To you, and for those who read this blog from the first post.... Fragments of my life is about to be unfold...:

 ...That girl. That special girl, no one else thought it could be like this. Changing my life, changing my perspective, changing the way I am. And showing me what it's meant to love and be loved... That girl who shaping my personalities from that night, that one particular night. Night of feast, night of joys, night of love. Seem like on that moment, everything is perfect. Everything as seems as what fits us both. The night of the Lord, we held each others hand. Enjoying what it seems to be the perfect moment. And when I thought back that moment for a while, i could had just shedding my tears, slowly with a smile on my face... And wishing that moment could last a little bit longer... And when they said which moment would you want to rewind and cherish the most? Simply I want to go back to that moment...

And with that one years of being in the relationship, somehow world seems to despised us a lot... And I had to be apart from her. Too much I rejected that proposal to move away from her, and yet world has used my family, wealth, and maturity as an excuses to be apart from her. How sneaky world is... Planning such a great strategy, and with that rejection; I finally had to... Desperate to save myself from this misery, I don't gave a proper goodbye to her... And that's something I can't forgive myself that moment... Going without even giving a proper goodbye to her...

*******

I began to live a new life. New school, new communities, and a whole new surrounding. A guy who was born and raised at city, and now, living here at this rural area, with language barrier... I don't even understand what are they talking about, as most of them speaking their native language. Talks Iban and some, slandering me using that language; knowing that I'm just a city guy, can't understand what they saying, and here just for a while, cause I'm a city boy! I can't survive the wilderness... On that moment, I said to myself that I will master Iban language, stay at there for another four years, and making them stop calling me such words... And yeah, I do made their mouth shut! Just few months learning their language and I already master the basics... Heck yeah! I'm proud of myself... 

Another few months and I felt so lonely, alone, and wishing if only she still be by my side... That all that I need. Need her now. I just need her now... And seems that the situations still want to take away another piece of me, so they create not one, but some distractions... Trying to use the long-distance relationship as their excuses, they persuaded, slowly progressing and somehow, I found myself being in the scandalous situations, trapped between her, scandals, and the long-distance relationship... Until I finally found her... With her status as another guy's girl... *sigh... Only God knows what happen to me on that night... The night of Midnight Sonata, moon shining over the night sky, and it seems like my another half just shattered to pieces.... No words could describe what I felt that moment, just melodies of the Midnight Sonata.....

*******

Four years seems to be pass-by so fast... And I can't picture myself how time flies, how times made me more mature inside out, how time heals me... And yeah. time do heals. But move on? I don't know... Somewhere on December 2012, after SPM, I finally granted permission from my mum to let me have a part-time at Miri there, although she insisted that I should work at Limbang, instead of working 264km to the West-South of Limbang... And I do have reasons for all of this. Friends, self-dependance, and her... The one who has crumble it and still I keep my faith on her... Hoping for the happy ending... I just want that happy ending, without even caring how that happy ending should be...

And there... There she is... The same girl I used to love, care, held her so tight; and now, with another guy. Smile? Yeah, I'm smiling... But somehow that smile doesn't reflect whats inside... (*At this point, I can't type properly....) Seems like I should do something, and i don't know what.... Blurry, all those.... 

And this one come out... As I'm one her frequent blogger, I saw what I think might be the end... Of her and him. Me? I don't like to consider myself as a third-person, but somehow I gave my pieces... Just to let know that he would read this and consider me irritating, or trying to act nice, whatsoever, but what I've do that time is that I'm trying to keep them safe, keep them intact, and I know I was her man, but I'm trying to help... Helping by realising what he had done. Of what he see and do is wrong. Even when I know that I'm only a side character, but still I done my part.

Here we go... Out of nowhere, at her fragile state, she found someone to cry on. She found someone to hold onto, and I appreciate that... And I realised something. So much that I said to her that I understand her, but the real fact is I don't. Because I'm not her. I'm not her parent, I'm not her brother, I'm not even her special someone... All I want is to help her even when I realised what I'm going is a total blind action, even when I don't know the situation, even when I don't understand what she felt, but all I know that I used to be once, and right now, I just want to maintain who I am at her eyes... Just a simple guy, with complicated mind, and used to be her Special Someone and now, a friend...

It's a pain. A pain that I've to endure every single of my life... Telling lies, saying I'm okay. And yeah! I'm okay but no matter what I'm doing, I keep questioning myself... Am I over-reacting to what she is from my view? Am I just her friend or I'm being too much over her? Behind this smile, am I really keeping my feelings of her, or I'm just hallucinating? I'm over-reacting and that's the truth... Because I'm now trapped between the friendship that we've made and feelings for each other. And everytime I look at someone else, I only could said to myself: I can't love someone else the way I love her once... And if I would, karma slaps me in the face like what the heck am I doing? I tried over and over again to move on and get over her, but I can't... I'm sorry, but I can't... I don't know why. I don't know how.... All I really wanted is to have a real happy ending for both of us, regardless of what might be the conclusion...

*******

To whom it may concern, I just wanna say that I really miss you... :') Less than three, Darren Junior... XOXOD

Every Girls Need Guy's Best Friend...

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Here we go again.... Another same Friday at Miri,  malah the term TGIF also no more... Everyday is the same. Same routine, same clothes, same laptop, and im beginning to make the same mistake over and over again. A dull, harsh life to be endure... But somehow, i find myself using fedora hat, and rather bright-coloured outfits; than using my black hooded jacket. I don't know how, I don't know why... All I know is that this day might not be the same as always. Even when Sebastian invites me to watch Ironman 3 that day, I should be wearing my black hooded jacket because I'm still in the 'Alone' status. Even when that reasons seems to be a little more stupid, but still i have to use that jackets because cinema hall is so damn cold bah. I wonder why... Because when I wanted to use fedora hat for that day, somehow, it seems like something great gonna happen...

10.00 a.m. and Sebastian had waited for me to go out and watch the movies. And the trip take roughly about almost one hour bcause I need to withdraw extra cash, plus we have to pick up Jeremy from his house at Pujut there... And somehow, I keep staring at my phone, updating my status on Facebook. Can't get enough of that? Twitter... Usually, I'm not reacting like this; staring at phone, saying somethings like "emmm.......", plus i don't even put hair wax on my hair before I'm going.... That's really stupid... Gara2 mcm ada sesuatu berlaku, and i don't know what...

Sampai GCS, pergi tempah tiga tiket Ironman 3... *worth RM46.00! Damn that's too much!.... Dan beli popcorn sekali dengan Sprite. Then, 11.30a.m., ttttttrrrrrrrttttttt! Lagu Harlem Shake pulak keluar! Check2 phone sebab lagu tu mmg ringtone setiap kali org mau call bah... Then, she called me.... wot!wot! Call part is one thing, but this one? She said she'll come to Bintang Megamall.... And at that precise moment, I can see unicorns, stars, and rainbows all over GSC Lite, Miri.... XD

Keep your composure, Darren.... Keep your composure. And dang it! I can't maintain it.... Too much excitement, unicorns, rainbows all those.... Can't burst it! Dahlah saya jeles tengok Sebastian dgn Holly, tak tau pulak nasib sy mmg berubah hari ni.... XP

Jumpa kat RAGE, awek baju kelabu, Converse hitam terkial-kial mencari baju Aztec. And I could tell myself that I'm being nervous right now. Even making that eye contact seems so hard at first.... That deadly, laser, elegant, beautiful and yet mysterious eye, and here we go.... My heart skips a beat!  My heart skips a beat! Lenka pulak keluar... =3=" LOL!

Well, to be honest, if only saya bawa sekali Handycam hari tu, I will record every moment that time... Too much moments to be cherished! Too much drama's that day... Well, every moment is a drama... And I'm even wondering myself: Am I helping with her Aztec shirt, or just spending my one whole day with her... Remember the moment when I almost felt because of the model dummies at the Diesel area at the Parkson, and simply she held my arm just in case if I would fall like that again. My expression? Plank-faced.... More unicorns and rainbows.... XD I'm officially dead with smile on my face!

Again? Well, I hate the moments when I had to ask for the plastics at Kenny Rogers there... Like seriously, I can't help biting my lips whenever my former co-worker at there: buat mata sepet, grinning as if I'm some sort of whatever they could think off.... And boss? "Bila lagi mau kahwin?" and I say like Sir, kmonlah... 18 and talking about marriage?! Kmonlah.... But then, I found myself asking if I'm married....? And looking at her by my side....... No, Darren. Can't be... No lah... But if God wants it to be? Wargh!!!!!!! >< >< >< XD XD XD.....

*berdarah hidung..... Padah terlampau fikir macam2... =3="

 

 

And then, the climax! Tiba2 she held my hand and:

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IM IN TOTAL CLOUD NINE MOOD! Wargh.......!!!!!! Control Darren, control.... And I can't control myself... Nervous all those! She laugh, tambah lagi nervous sy.... Nonononononoononononono.... Am I dreaming? Im not dreaming... THIS IS ALL TOO REAL TO BE THINK IT WAS A DREAM!

 

Ending? Well, stay tuned for more... Just wanna create some thrill... XD

Less than three:

 

Darren Junior.... XOXOD

I Walk Alone....

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-skema alu-

I know for the last few days since my last update, I've been wandering alone, going away from home more frequently than I used to be, and there's the reasons behind all those... I figuring out hard and deep what's happening to me. *sigh, emo this, emo that, this and that, all those... And I can't figure out why? Because of Xanne, because of my former ex's, or might be someone else? Owh geez....

But then, here we are... Cold, hard, cruel, and zombie life of mine. Aimless, no goal, no achievements, all those... Going down to the streets with my black hooded jacket, walking away and passing peoples, ignoring what are they doing. Saw a guy at the side of the streets, sitting with a plastic cup in front of him.... Grabbing some one ringgits at my wallet and with a simple smile, I put those money into that old plastic cups and slowly fading away.

Continuing my ways, I found out that lane... The lane where I used to go whenever I felt so depressed, so lonely, so alone, and that lane is so bright, so colourful I can see why people, old and young see this lane and tell themselves, saying this lane, this streets is simply beautiful...

Not a words could describe it....

I guess this will ease me off for a moment.... And till I wear this black hooded jackets, it shows that I'm  still alone, lonely, and somehow can't find any trust in this situations. I know that there's someone who's there to back me up, forgetting what's wrong, never regret the past and just keep moving on, fixing the present and cherish the future... There might be some points at there, but fixing the present? I don't know... Seems too hard to be swallow in and endure it... But when I think it back, there's no use fixing those again... She's away, I'm broken and when I said I wanna move on, that's mean forgetting her, treat her no more than a friend, and consider myself in the friendzone with her. No more sick emo status, no more shits and smile...

Until now, I can just pray, hoping that the quotes 'time will heal' is more than just a quote, and keep moving. Wake up, Darren... You still young, hard and great as who you are! God gives you the bad part, so that's mean the good part will come. Just stop and stare, wait for it and all you cried of, all what you stand for will come... Just timing, Darren.... Just timing... XOXOD

I Watch It Begin Again....

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WATCH IT BEGIN AGAIN...

Quite different, huh? Yeah... I admit I've been a little bit emo since last few days, and mostly all of you guys who has befriend with me on Facebook saw the melancholic side of me, where i posted something more less like emo status. And yeah, i do have reasons for all of this... 

See, for the last few blog updates I had been motivating, be the 'tissue',  tear-wiper, listener and mostly persuaded her to move on. I know that most of my blog reader knows her whether in reality or in this blog, and if you are, just keep it by yourself, okay? By the way, on my last few blogs, 'She Deserves It...' sad to said that the ending is not what i'm expected... But hey, at least she had moved on with her life, enjoying her single status but still, i believe that she still hoping and expecting another second chance. Just not so high than the last one, as far as i'm concerned...

Me? I thought i could move on and create a new series, a new masterpiece,a new novel of my life with the one i called her, Xanne... An endless ego, no love confession between me and Xanne although we share a same fondness with each other, long distance relationship, and here we go... Backstabbed by her, stole by the third guy, and finally in heart-breaking situation, I gave the third guy Xanne... And at that precise moment, another part of me is just breaking down to a point that I ask myself: Why? Why all of this happen to me? Every girls that i've met seems to find the same ending.... Ending with the third guy.... Why? Why world despised me so much, that I just can't experience what other teenagers felt of? I'm just a fragile, a side cast, a guy whose his destiny is to give away what he created to another one, including LOVE.... :'(

Somehow, she, not Xanne but the one I had convinced her to move on, came and comfort me. Persuading and motivating me to move on, since my last relationship with Xanne can't be saved. She said she's got my back, and said that i could count on her... And I have to admit, I cried besides a girl for a girl... Geez, can't believe that I typed that....

I don't believe in Karma, but i believe that what comes around, will go around. Whether I had bring her a shimmering light to move on and let the past be a memories to live on, or something i never realised i had done, at the end she's the one who comfort me, give me strength to move on and get a new life, and frequently tell myself to look at the bright side, saying that she's the one who lost a guy that are so good that he just gave another pieces of him to someone else, just to see that his girl are happy, even when that girl is in someone else care... *sigh

 

Right now, being single might be the best alternative for now. And I wanted to enjoy this SINGLE status to it's fullest. But amidst of those status, one thing that catch my eyes sets me to go for her... Whether to take a chance on her or not, let God decides when... Because I still believe in this circumstances, there is still happy endings. Just not the way I expect it to be. Plus, this is just some twist and sad parts of my life. I mean, how could a story so great, so epic, so lovely would come without some twist in the story, right? 

Now, as long as she's at there by me; I think I'll can escape from this misery and move on... Forget about her, Darren; Xanne don't deserve you. Because something that is worth having surely is worth waiting for. What I'm going to do next, just stay tuned and wait for my next update.  Right now just KEEP CALM AND BE A GENTLEMEN.... XOXOD 

30 Facts Of Why God Create Me Unique... Hidden or Known

Hmmm, 30 facts? That's too much, but what I mean about uniquely me is something im not pretty similar to guys... Here it goes...

1. Im a guy, simple in appearance but complicated in mind. So whatever kinds of experience you face right now, I know that. Because I had experience like you do....
2. I can't stand someone who's crying, especially when it about feelings and emotion..
3. I'm a Bidayuh-Bisayan guy, and seriously not Chinese...
4. I don't accept the answer YES or NO when it comes to serious question.
5. When it comes to vegetables and meat, I prefer vegetables... But I love meats the way that I love vegetables. Just that I prefer vege... *No offence, meat-lover!
6. When it comes to loyalty, don't doubt it. My loyalty is as greatest as I could be... And I could give myself to them, including my own life.
7. My loyalty is to these people: God, families and the one I cared of, and my future wife... This three has my upmost respect and loyalty...  
8. Say what you want to say. Don't give me a signal. I might misinterpreting it..
9. Ladies, please don't bother too much about clothes and make-up's. You're just perfect the way you are... *chewah!
10. Im not a smoker, neither a drinker, and absolutely no-no to hangover and drugs.
11.  Between bed and crouch, I prefer crouch... Don't know why. Just consider sleeping on the crouch is much more rough, yet comfortable for me... :P
12. To be truth, I never love a girl so much after a girl left me, (or I leave that girl) and might never love another girl so dear than her... Like seriously, im still waiting for her, but that waiting anxiety is a little bit lower than the last one...
13. Im a Bruno Mars hardcore fan, but im not a fanatic fan like screaming and crying hysterically when he appear...
14. One thing i cant survive without is my black fedora hat...
15. Between talking and listening, im a better listener... *True fact
16. Im not a good money-planner... -_-'' *ashamed
17. I prefer being dependable on myself, including going by bus; or just walking alone at the streets...
18. On Youtube, the three first thing i typed is 'KurtHugoSchneider', 'Nigahiga' and 'Bruno Mars'.
19. In me, i have four personalities: 1.When Im lonely, 2With my friends, 3.With my families, 4.With the one I love the most... *90's fact
20. One of the moments i love the most is to lay down a small carpet on the beaches and sitting at there, hearing sentimental songs while watching sun go down...
21. I always daydreaming of how im gonna be separated with the one i cherish the most... *weird -_-"
22. I love VANILLA! Owh, owh, MINT also my favorite...
23. There are two girls that ive met in my life that has a 'catchy', laser, seducing, elegant yet mysterious eyes, that just make my heart skipped a beat (seriously); one is my senior co-worker, and another one is my *ehem.... ex-girlfriend that till now, i still can't resist staring at her eyes... :P
24. Im ego.... Dont ask me why...
25. I love drawing! It's my passion, in my blood, and unafraid to draw anything. Just need a little bit of inspiration.... That's all....
26. Tried experimenting salt stirred in tea.... and drink it... *OMG! I dont wanna talk about the effect...
27. Im addicted to games! Assassin's Creed series is my favorite!
28. Rarely any movies can made me shedding me a tears... But one of it is the movie, Twilight...
29. Call me old-fashioned, but i always gave CHOCOLATE to girls to express my fondness to them... *oh gosh, i had typed that...
30. Lastly, i do believe there is TRUE LOVE and i believe on HAPPY ENDINGS... Call me a lover boy, or fairy-tale-believer, but i do believe those two exist.... Just figure out how to find them, that's all.... :)

 And with those, 30 facts of why God created me unique is complete. Believe me or not, these 30 lists makes me of who I am... XOXOD

XD Cause We Are Young...

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Oooh, what the pic below there? Well, that insanely me *coughing and my great nocturnal friend... hahaha, as if... But seriously, one of my best pal ive ever met... Lets get back to the topic, shall we?

CAUSE WE ARE YOUNG

Yeap, most of our bloggers that reading this are as young as me, teenage period, where this period proves to be sooo much rain and storm, yet there's unicorn exist in this period... unicorn.... And seriously the born-on-'90 might be the most best generation ever. Ya lah, there are no generations like the 90's that had experienced playing traditional games such as Batu Seremban, yet experiencing todays media and social entertainment, such as Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube... And im totally proud of that, cause im living in the Michael Jackson, Backstreet Boys, Yellow Card, Justin Bieber, Greyson Chance, Bruno Mars and now One Direction... Living all of this and im still 18! A great achievement!

Nocturnal guys: Me, Brian, and Jeremy...

After REVO 2013; my best buddy, Sebastian, me, and Brian...

Now in the 'Total-We-Are-Young' mode, let me tell bloggers about a guy in the white shirt.... Yeap, the handsome, leader, a prefect and my best buddy a.k.a. my 'bromance', Sebastian Belulok Saging... Hahaha, close as Spongebob and Patrick, both of us back each other like brothers and i respect him. Total respect on him! Of course we had rough time, bad time, and yet here we are! Respect each other as there's nothing really happen... 

Let me review my mind, well it started when were in the kindergarden, Tadika St. Joseph, Miri to be exact. At that time, we're totally free, saying and doing what in our mind... But still i consider him as a stranger-that-i-know. Standard 4 is the year where i finally knew him. Thanks to school recess actually... We spend recess together, sitting at our front and back, and even motivating each other when it comes to one thing called CRUSH.... Until we finally knew that we both had a crush with the SAME PERSON.... Good thing is both of us have a same taste on girls. But the bad thing is we had a little bit of intensity there, until i finally give way for him to made a move. Then suddenly he gave me the way to go for her, and i don't want to... Its against my rules... Finally, we both shake hands, never to fall for her again.... But i don't know whether that is still valid or not, cause she still catch my attention.... :P

UPSR year proved to be the most We-Rule-The-School year... Being a senior, respected by juniors, school counting on us, seems everything is perfect. Too much memories... *sigh.... I still remember making a Apricot Jelly- Cheese Cake for our English project... Plus, i become his 'bestman' when he's preparing for Mr. & Ms. St Joseph 2007, and fortunately he won the Mr. St. Joseph's title. Proud of him, truth to be told.... 

Seriously, one fact about us is that we're bother from another mother, another parent and even different siblings. We're like Eminem and Dr. Dre, depending on each other in every song, in every situation... Brothers, till whatever might comes to break our brothers bond away.

Now, i just wanna see my buddy to achieve in his ambition of becoming an engineer, strive hard, get a great job, and finally see him with the lady of her life in Matrimony celebration, at the bestman's place... I would totally excited for him. Hahahahaha.... Dramas.... Manalah tau that someday on my very special Matrimony, he'll be my bestman at that time. Like who knows, right? XOXOD

She Deserves It....

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Too much fight, too much tears, too much cry, silently screaming and now she get what she's cry for so long... A second chance. Although pain struck everytime i type this, the truth is she deserves it. Why the heck im typing this? Well, ive been by her side ever since she had her heart broke into two, or million pieces... Which 'she' im referring about? Let's just keep that a secret, and if u did, just let it shut....

Truth to be told, hardly any girls would want to cry by my side, and zap.... Instantly, she express all her sadness, sorrow and pain towards me. Its too damn hard to said at least. I mean a girl that you used to love so much, now spilling her tears at my shirt for another guy.... Argh, geez! This is so like Twilight! Damn it!

But still i gave her advices on how to reconnect him back. And she seems so desperate... I gave what i know about relationship. Even if im not so good in relationship, in reality i know just anything about guy. Of what they felt, of how they define trust, loyalty, and mutual respect... And so i did. Encouraging and motivating her to move on and see on the bright side seems so painful, yet relieving as well... And she did. In fact, i really admire her spirit and will to forget the pain, sufferings and tears, but she still cant forget the one she held dear the most. So, i made my absolution. Im gonna support her whenever i can. Even when i had to sacrifice half of my heart, just to see them both happy in each others arm... A huge sacrifice, a huge meaning, and yet a huge step for me to get over her again... But really what Gavin DeGraw's song, Not Over You quotes...:

If you ask me how I'm doing
I would say I'm doing just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
And finally I'm forced to face the truth,
No matter what I say I'm not over you, not over you

No matter how i said ive done with her, no matter i said im over her right now, still i just cant stare her eyes... Dont know how, dont know why, but seems her eyes is pretty 'catchy'... Argh damn it! I reveal my biggest weakness....!

By the ways, seems like her man finally message her once more. Even just a simple message she showed me from her man, but still its a sign. A positive sign of another second chance... Me? Im just a simple guy, with a complicated mind and feeling, playing a side roll in this series of their love-life novel, giving the aid and motivating the heroine, wiping the tears, and motivating her to stay confident for her loved one, and yet here i am. A side character, waiting to be left in memories... And yes, im waiting for the happy ending for them both, even ive to give myself out... But still, it was a worth... Worth giving myself out of their relationship, to create a new series, to create a new novel of life, to create a new masterpiece that could determine how the happy ending should be... For God is my Stephenie Meyer's life. Because He is the greatest author of my life... Let it be according to His way. I only pray that the last one, whether her or other else, might be the perfect girl ive ever met for my entire life.... 

She? She deserves to have the second chance. He? He deserves to get her by his side, as long as they love each other. Me? I deserves to leave behind memories for them and write a new novel of me and someone whom God wants me to be... :') XOXOD.... *sigh

This Is Not The End That I Wanted...!

This is not what i wanted...! Everything ive done, everything ive sacrificed for them, so much! And yet this is the end.... The stupid no-happy-ending stories.... Why?

Owh sorry for that intro.... Im really not in the good mood to say this, but what ive to say might be hurting some parties.... Like really hurting someone...

You might still remember my last post that ive to let go of Miss That-Special-Someone and move on. And yeah, ive moved on with another girl, another whole new life, and somehow the shadow  of my past is still haunting me like shit! Yeah, dulu saya bazirkan masa saya selama empat tahun menunggu dia dan masih saya tak dapat apa2....

Might be some of you peeps yang lansung tak paham naper saya frust giler update status ni... Actually, what i read from Miss That-Special-Someone's blog, dia skrg ni, em... from what i see is in the verge of break-up's! Hell yeah, im so damn pissed off. Sebab naper, im now speaking on behalf of Daphne right now...

For the last five months, i knew that time yang masa tu Daphne sedang menjalinkan hubungan bersama Daniel. For me, that's fine. Im okay, i let go of her on February 2013 and move on.... No problem. Well, i enjoy watching them happy in each others arm. Like if they happy, im so damn happy! But now, i felt so pissed off and fuckingly shit towards Daniel!

Daniel, this is for you! for once i thought you are the luckiest guy on Earth, having her as your girlfriend. You know how painful ive to wait for FOUR YEARS to get her, but still none?! But when you ask her to become your girlfriend, you know how much misery ive to bear since that four years i found nothing, but pain, loneliness and thinking of myself, like damn IF ONLY.... If only i had the guts,  if only i found strength, if only.... But then i think over and over again. How foolish are you, taking your pride and ego over her, cause you know what Niel, no love could be done without trust, without self-giving, without someone who could give a way to another to win, and yet you think you could win everything. You know what, you're not! You're arguing with Daphne, and doubt whether she still love you or not?! Guess what, you're so blind! Can't you see how much she loved you from the early beginning of you relationship?! I don't know when you referring ME or another Darren, or another ex she used to loved and be loved, but what i can say that you're so damn ungrateful. Can't you realised of who she is? As emo she can be, as ego she can be, as selfish she can be, in reality, she still loves you. And when she do, SHE MEAN IT!

Niel, please understand me... I don't want your ego and selfishness build up your misery next time you'll see her with another guy. I don't want you to end up like me... I don't want you to be like me, crying and shedding a tears everytime you hear 'When I Was Your Man' like i was when i first hear that song... And please, im waiting for four years, not like this... This is not the end that i wanted! What i wanted is my bro, my old pal, the 'Edward' in the stories would find happy ending with Daphne, with 'Bella', with the girl that i used to love her so much, that i could take a grenade for her... That she knew that i could do anything for her... Niel, please understand her. Sometime, you have to put aside your ego and paranoia for Daph, because when she's ego, she really need someone to comfort her. Because when she doing something crazy, she wants your attention. Because when she smile, she's happy... And trust me, when she said she'll give you some space, that's mean she's tolerant and care about you... I guess you're just too ego to even care about that, huh?

Daph, if you read this, i don't mean to interfere your personal life, but as a friend and as your part of the list, i knew i've to act somehow. I don't wanna see a girl get her life and her world torn apart by a guy who apparently is my old buddy.... I don't wanna see my girl that i used to held so close to my heart be torn apart by a guy whom i called, 'brother'... Just to express that this is not the end that i wanted.... XOXOD