Am I Changing A Lot?

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And so we come to the end of March, and few more weeks left before I'll be off to Miri.... Yeay! Ok, maybe not so yeay, but you know after a while rite? Ok, serious time! In the midst of excitements and joy of enjoying my semester break, I came up thinking as my mind come across all of my friends I've made at Johore here. At there, I was thinking.....

"Am I Changing A Lot?"

Since I've moved here, from last year till now, I could see that I've changed. A LOT! Changed in my appearance, like I'm more sensible towards current fashion. That's undeniable, okay. Even I bravely changed my hairstyle with undercuts, mohawk, perming and even once dyed my hair to aqua blue due to the fashion show. (I had to, even when I enjoyed being having the same style with T.O.P. during his BigBang album, Fantastic Baby) Changed in physical, yeah as I'm gaining my weight already, from 55 kg, to staggering 64 kg. Ouch, that's a lot, but it doesn't really affect my appearance. Still slim and fit I am. K-pop, yeah, I'm more updating myself with K-pop news, especially dramas and Running Man, thanks to my 'same-headed' friends... But then, as I reflect myself on the mirror for a moment, suddenly tears went down from my cheek for no reasons. And in that precise moment, I'm inspired to write and composed a song. (But we're not gonna touch on that)

Physical, I've changed, but mentally? Inner? Games of emotion? I don't know, seriously... Am I fooling myself, or am I taking things so seriously? I've been pushed and pushed, and pushed to the limit, on the verge of: "Am I doing it right?", "Did I hurt someone?", "Do I indirectly trying to go to that dark, gloomy past, where in one point you tried to commit suicide?"...

See, when I came here, the pressure is really, really, really strong.... I don't think the small witted person could withstand it. Culture shock, racism, and faith has become the stake here as I'm trying to suit myself in the society, maintaining my belief and keep studying and gain more knowledge to achieve what I wanted to be.

From the start, I always wanted to be a good guy, having a good friends and three years later, achieving Diploma in Graphic Design. Amen... But then, it became vice versa. It's harder than it should be. I was living in a society where there's a dominant, and there's less dominant. Society that is heavily political mindset, and society that thinks their race is the master of all races, due to the culture and ethnic barriers. And somehow I had changed into someone who is more realistic, someone who already understood the ways of the world, the politics of my countries, and those who were hard-wired by it. In short, I've changed into someone who are protesting over this and that. Someone who tries to stand up for something, and someone who tries to straightening up my faith, my belief as a Christian...

Don't get me wrong. I become rebellious for the right thing... There's one point where one of my colleagues mocking me at the back, saying that Christian is no good, the spreader of hate, allies of Zionism who tries to sweep away other religions and hail them as the supreme race; and I was realllly f*****g pissed off and debated with her, till a point where I just slapped her and never talked to her again. RACISM!

And that's what I wanted to avoid, because I'm a guy who loves to befriend with all, ladies or guys, no matter their race, religion or even sexual orientation. I do have friends who are gays and lesbians and I don't even care what their favorites, because after all, they're humans who do have feelings... And this is what they mocked me from behind : "Good guys gone wild". A guy that close with girls more, charming them and luring them to the valley of sins, where he'll gonna strip their virginity off, because his religion didn't say something about it..... Mother f****r! Weih, ko siapa nak kutuk aku seteruk tu? Aku rapat dengan pompuan sebab dah memang lelaki pandang pompuan dulu. Pastu nak kata aku yang asal dari Sarawak yang memang open minded sampai open dengan benda zina macam ni? Are you so narrow minded?! Kamek orang Sarawakian memang jenis open, but mun pasal benda zina ni sik pernah kamek orang sentuh? Please lah? Kamek pun masih teruna juak, yang bena-bena sik mok embak orang lain dalam lembah zina tok.... Kau padah orang Kristian sik pernah dididik mengenai zina? Mun camiya, kenak perempuan-perempuan Poli sia senang dengan kamek? Mentang-mentang kamek sik rapat alu dengan lelaki nembiak iya, terus padah yang sik patut lah? Cuba nangga statistik kes zina, sumbang mahram, GRO, seks bebas camiya... Nangga negeri kamek dan negeri kitak, rasa-rasa siapa nait, siapa dibah sia? Dasar masyarakat perosak perpaduan...

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(took a deep breath) Okay.... That's enough frustrations for now. But then, because of the societies like this, I had changed. Not to the worst, but then changed to someone that tries to oppose people and what they've done wrong. Especially racism... But then I was heavily criticized for what I think I've done right, saying that what I did is against the will of society. But who cares anyway. Because of the, I've changed into someone who fight for what I want. A true prosperous society, without any prejudice some sort.  

But then, when I looked back at what I used to: a good guy, with a good friends and wanted to have the Diploma in Graphic Design; that's where my tears dripped down...You see the whole concept, right?

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Okay.... Done with the frustrations all those, and just gonna move on.... Stay strong, DJ, and you will soon prevail. Just remember that this is part of your struggle, a part of God's Great Plan. Just stay strong, DJ...

bro-fist... 

Missing You...

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Hey guys! How fare are you? Hope you're fine, cause I don't! Nah...... Haha... I don't really in the bad mood, but a little exhausted, and a slight part where I don't really take care of health much. Maybe because I'm studying and keep on studying, way tooooooooooooooo hard till I didn't really had time to exercise whatsoever. I even didn't really care of my diet either; as long as it gave me enough fuel to go through one whole day, that's enough for me.... And talking about 'enough', I think I'm way too far from the league. Haha... So, shall we move on to our topic right now? : )

Missing You.....

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 Aight, so it's been a while since I left my beautiful, prosperous and ever-rich Sarawak in quest to search and absorb the power of knowledge. (Waseh, macam pendekar nak cari tok guru silat! lol) But it's true or what? I left, I learn from others and I come back here to develop my own countries, families and my *ehem.... Bakal famili suatu masa nanti. But in the midst of these opportunities, up's and down's of finding the knowledge required, I found and I realised something. No, for real I felt that something very common, and yet it feels like I felt for the first time. The feeling when you really wanted to stay close and just stay put at there. The feeling when you really wanted to just follow that whenever it goes. And for sure, that is a feeling of 'missing someone' , and yes, I really missing someone.

Ladies and gentleman; bloggers all,

And yes, I miss Miri; I miss my friends, close and far, old and just met; I miss the food; and I miss my families so dayum much. And what's funny is that the feelings of missing someone has become much and much more stronger, much more, like literally MORE missing them.... Really, there's nothing that could express the feeling of missing them all. But you know what? Beneath the lists of them all, there's also someone that I really miss really much. And guess who? Yeap, it's Miss That-Special-Someone....

"Among the star, beneath the skies; That's where we are...."
And when I take a moment of though, that is where I realised that I really missed  her so much. That kind of uncontained, ever-strong miss of someone become something that's really unbearable for everyone. Well, at least me, but you know that, right? That kind of missing someone, undescibe merely by words, and seriously I didn't really know what the heck am I writing, but you get the idea right?

Q : What is your reactions when you saw her after half a year?
Nervous, words lost, and I'm drifted in the fantasies for a moment.... But unicorns and rainbows will colour up the dull, black and white atmosphere! XD

Q : Do you still has a feeling for her?
Yes..... That's it....

Q : What makes you to miss her?
I'll say her smile. No, her eyes and how she gazed me. Nonono.... Her attitude, hmmm, maybe the way she talked. Maybe her appearance. Nah, her feature.... No, her cute expessions, you know what I say? But finally it'll end like this. I don't know why I kept missing her.... Seriously! After all those lists and lists and lists, I could just continue saying why I kept missing her, but the fact is I don't really has an accurate idea why I kept missing her. And to be told the truth, this feelings that I had just kept on going and going. And I'm gonna say like this, I live my days, I go through my days because of this.... This is why. I'm waking up, hoping that I could get a glimpse of her. Hoping that somehow she'll came to my Art History classes like an angel in the midst of mortals and suddenly sat besides me. Or somehow she sent a picture of her into my WeChat, or just a call would suffice.... And when the day almost finished, I always told to myself that there's tomorrow. And that tomorrow, I'm gonna see her once again, not realising that this is the day when I finally met her.

And when she'll say that she do has the same as I do, I'll be the luckiest one... : )

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Aight, so that's it... So Miss That-Special-Someone, if you read this, maybe it solved your questions of why I kept called you, texting you and wechatting you... Because no matter what I said that time, no matter what kind of questions that I asked you that time, the true fact is that I missed you... And five weeks left before my flight to Miri, I hope that amongst the first one that I met after half a year, is YOU.... And I always told you before: "No matter how far we are, on night we're staying under the same sky, where we'll see the same night sky and pointed at the same star..." Trust me on that... : )

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So, that's it.... Hope you enjoy and see ya in the next blog update! Goodnight and see ya!

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bro-fist!

Temptations oh Temptations...

Hey hi ho, peeps and bloggers. Blogger Guy login and updating...

Aight, since I haven't updated since a while, so I'll just gonna do not only one blog update, but TWO blog update! (Yeay!) So I'm here, I'm excited and if I could, I just wanna update it all of my days.... Hahahaha... Lol! And yes, many of you are wondering why one of the most disturbing words "temptations" came out? Well, it means something for the past few months since I've stayed here at Johore. Really... Wanna know more? Here's for you:

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Temptations oh Temptations...

Since 28th November 2013, I've been exposed to the land of Peninsular Malaysia, where everything seems so tempting. Let it be food, JDT, Legoland or Singapore, for me everything is tempting. Either this is my first time at Johore or it's my first experience after all the news I've read at the news and so on... And it feels sooooooo damn true! Owh gosh... Temptations.... (See?! That's first)

The second most tempting is the thing we love the most: FOOD! And yes, as a Sarawakian dude who sat somewhere far, separated by South China Sea, I've been given an allowance that's really not sufficient for my course, which is Diploma in Graphic Design. And everyone knows that anything related to Art is extremely expensive. Plus, after all things I gotta pay like house rent, electricity, water etc etc etc, there's not enough money for me to buy food like I used to. So I gotta subside my food expenses like 2 meals instead of 4-5 meals. And the meals mostly consist of bread and peanut butter, together with a glass of cold water. And seriously, watching those of my friends having their super delicious food, it's really tempting.... Temptations number 2...

The third one? Well it's the habit of SHOPPING WITHOUT DISCOUNTS. You heard me! Shopping without discount... Wait wait wait! Hold your thought for a moment! It's not that I'm a shopaholic! Nonono.... What I mean is that I bought something without even checking the price tags, because for me, what I think that is good and quality, I'll just gonna buy it, regardsless of their price... And yeap, I've once bought like 3-4 things with the price of more than RM200. Ouch!!! That's a pain in my wallet... And yet, the temptations of having a branded stuff without any glace at the price tag, it's....... really..... tempting.....! Temptations number 3... 

How about the fourth one...? Johore ladies....? I would say "nah..." They're not really tempting at all. Sarawakian ladies are the best one, for me! Hahahaha.... Not even a temptations by looking at them... LOL! XD

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Why did I wanna shoutout this really? Is it necessary to share about temptations? Aight, so about that, we gotta realise this: We're humans, and human tend to do mistakes, regardless of their statuses." And I gotta admit, I did one too, maybe even now I made some mistakes... That's undeniable. But since I had stayed at Johore here, far away for families, living here alone without any relatives; it's really hard, you know? And since I've exposed to so many temptations, yeah sometimes I do fall into those... But somehow when I made mistakes, I realised what I've done is wrong and I tried my best to undo it. And that's the beauty of mankind. Knew what they had done wronged and try to fix it back.... 

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So that's about it! My blog updates on March and don't forget to check out my second updates... And before I forget, never ever be afraid to fall into mistakes. Once we fall, the next one is the highest jump you'll ever leaped... Remember that, guys!

So, see 'ya on the next blog update! And thanks for reading! Kamsahamnida...

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Bro-fist! WeChat: iamdarrenjr

40 Days of Lent....

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Before we proceed for a moment, let's pause for a moment and pray to our God so that the flight MH370 will be found, no matter what'll happen to it and the 200++ passengers and crews inside it.... 

Aight, so with Lent coming in front of our doorsteps, surely this is the perfect moment for us to reflect back what had happened for the last few moment, days, or even years... So this blog update is specially edicated to these. Ok, short intro. Let's head to the real deal, shall we?

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40 Days of Lent 

Aight, so since the last Ash Wednesday, I already resolved myself to you guys that I'll stay away from Facebook, meat and fancy foods for 40 days straight... And I knew I'm a sinner, so this kind of fast is isn't really my things, actually, since I'm a Facebook-holic, but since I've made a vow so I'll just stick to it! So many people asked why that, and not just focused on food instead? So this is it:

1. I wanna get rid of my Facebook-holic inside me.
2. Why must food? Why can't it be media social? I mean it's pretty addicting, right?
3. I wanna spend more on God, rather than sitting in front of my Lappy and liking, commenting and update my current status on Facebook (even when the missing flight MH370 is really tempting me to go into Facebook and just update statuses on Facebook about it) and yet I didn't... Yeay! XD

40 Days... I just gotta practice my voice during the Paschal Proclamation, simply because I was chosen to sing those during Easter Vigil.... And imagine singing those hymn for 10 minutes, alone, on midnight, and there's 5 pages of music notes I've to cope up? Well that's insan-........ That's a blessing, actually. It's an honor for me to sing those for the church, but for another 3-4 weeks, I've to cope up and cover those, that's gonna take some time to just memorize those. Really.... But what I know is God had chose me, so I'll just get along with it... Huhu.

Wish me luck, guys..... And have a blessed Lent.... Peace be with you.

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So, what's your Lent?